Patient Zero

Lately, I’ve been wondering about the future… where I will be a year from now? Where I will be working? What life will look like by then? I’ve been especially concerned about my job and career. The lease is up on the restaurant I have been working in and corporate has decided to close in a few months, possibly looking for a new prime location. In the meantime, I will be going and working in another store for the time being. This corporate decision has been on the chopping block for a long time, so I am really not surprised that they have decided to shut down. Looking for a new location makes more business sense than spending thousands on renovating and updating the old restaurant I currently work in. I get it. Corporate is going their way so maybe it’s time I decide what’s next for me. Do I want to continue on the hamster wheel that is corporate restaurants, with all of their politics and rule making or do I start looking toward a different path possibly investing all of my time and energy into myself.

So all of this has me thinking… what would that look like? Investing in myself? Putting my life first? Drawing hard boundaries with the corporate world I’m still in for the time being? The thought seems outrageous to me. But… here we are. I’m going to do it. I’m in a unique place where I can possibly jump off that hamster wheel and do something for myself.

30 years in restaurants. 30 years of working for someone else, making them money. 30 years of putting their restaurants first in my life… most of the time above all else, the Lord, my marriage, my family, my friends, my health and my peace. What do I have to show for it? Burnout. My mind is constantly thinking about work and it’s hard to shut it off. These past 6 months, I have been doing a lot of soul searching, a lot of praying, a lot of research on why I feel this way. Why am I so hung up on my job? Why am I letting it steal my peace day in and day out. These past 6 months, my sobriety has been at stake, the temptations have gotten worse. I haven’t relapsed, but I have used this as an excuse to feed my sweet tooth. So here I am, over-caffeinated, addicted to sugar, not sleeping well which has driven my anxiety through the roof. Something has to give. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. It’s either them or me. I’m choosing me.

With that being said, I want to get myself back. I want to feel better in my body, be at peace in my spirit, and be calm in my mind. I don’t want to turn to supplement after supplement chasing all of my symptoms. I have ordered a complete blood panel, I want to have a baseline as to where my health is right now. I don’t really have a doctor to go through, so I’m navigating this on my own. I’m enrolling in a Nutrition and Healthy Living Program through Cornell University. I want to understand what is happening in my body and how I can feel better using holistic medicine and whole foods. To some degree, I feel like I’m in over my head, or that maybe this is perimenopause making me think these drastic things. Time and time again, I keep coming back to the nutrition and natural health. And I need a new hamster. That hamster is going to be me. I’m going to be patient zero and this quest for health of mine and I will bring you a long for the ride. I will be posting my journey here, and possibly on social media. I’m ready for this. Lord willing…